No Reason
I cannot believe what just happened, and how I could have been more insistent. Much more than I’m used to. I could have just caused somebody a knee and a few nights in a ward.
Some might ask how.
Well, it was an ordinary ending to this great Saturday night that I decided to sit at the bus stop after alighting to soak it all in when a man approached to ask for directions to Bukit Timah. On foot.
A quick summary of his story. He went to Tampines 1 to purchase a limited edition jacket at a certain triply striped outlet and was told that they only accepted cash. After a trip to the ATM, someone knocked into him. Only when he was back at the store did he realise that his wallet and his phone was not with him. The worst part was that 4 law enforcement “outlets” rejected his claims to be “just another excuse to get a new IC” and no report (this seems peculiar intially). There, he decided to walk home.
So here he was, asking for the general direction to Bukit Merah.
The interactions that followed between us left a significant mark. I cannot explain why.
First, I suggested the authorities nearby, but he has lost all confidence in them and reinterated the 4 visits.
Then I offered spare change for a bus that would take him straight to Bukit Timah, but he rejected, cause he is plain worried that he would end up as a con character on some websites. He would rather walk on and collaspe so that He would be sent to a hospital via an ambulance.
He left with a limp that pains me with every step. Don’t get me wrong. I am one of those good walkers. Like, Clarke Quay back home, school to Changi Airport along the expressway,crazy explorations on foot and plenty of late night walks home from Bedok North (4N driver,”excuse me, last stop”). I cannot let him go just like that.
The only thought in my mind was to run to him. I pleaded with him to do me a favour and at least take the last bus to Bukit Timah. I had to remind him about the permanent damage and talk about my own meniscus tear. I have to use the trump card that says “I’m a physiotherapy student listen to me about the joint”.
No avail. Not going to change his mind tonight. He won’t even make a phone call.
He left me standing there. Watching him limp off into dark before disappearing behind the bridge far ahead.
The skeptic in me thinks that he is trying to pull off a fast one, but the human inside thinks that it is all true.
I really have no idea.
So I stood there staring, questions running in my head.
How different would it be if I had been more persistent? Someone’s more stubborn than I am which is a big anomaly. How would I feel if he had taken my spare change? Honestly, nothing. Am I too naive? Am I the fool to believe him because seriously, I am probably not the first person he spoke to.
Then again, the depth of this man’s pride is phenomenal and respectable. It takes a lot to persistently reject people’s plead and stick with his decision to walk. It makes me question my own determination.
So here I am, staring at the stars while lying on my favourite breakwater amongst noisy campers. Wondering.
I hope he’s alright.
How much is your determination worth?
Celebration 2.0
Showcasing the different eras of her career, fans pay tribute to her in the video’s second coming.
Her daughter’s resemblance is scary.
Eighteenth Of September Two Thousand And Nine
Today is no movie tickets, Snow Leopard, fruit tart, stuttering MRT, rushed to work to find student even later, student’s boisterously dramatic Mother, great Boss and even better colleagues, Katherine “Izzie-Please-Don’t-Die-Stevens” Hiegl’s The Ugly Truth, spoken words, funeral of a friend’s friend and bus rides home that culminated in a swelling nauseating feeling. The remedy? 2 servings of Koko Krunch and 1 serving of Honey Stars topped with 2 spoonful of Milo powder.
我不難過
又站在你家的門口我們重複沉默
這樣子單方面的守候還能多久
終於你開口向我訴說她有多溫柔
雖然你還握著我的手但我已不在你心中
我真的懂你不是喜新厭舊
是我沒有陪在你身邊當你寂寞時候
別再看著我說著你愛過別太傷痛
我不難過這不算什麼只是為什麼眼淚會流我也不懂
就讓我走讓我開始享受自由
回憶很多你的影子也會充滿我生活
我並不懦弱你比誰都懂
雖然寂寞這會是我最後的寬容
抱緊我再抱緊我
這一份感動請你讓我留在胸口
別再說是你的錯
愛到了盡頭是非對錯就讓它隨風
忘了所有過得比你快活
我真的懂你不是喜新厭舊
是我沒有陪在你身邊當你寂寞時候
別再看著我說著你愛過別太傷痛
我不難過這不算什麼只是為什麼眼淚會流我也不懂
不要再說或許這是最好的結果
現在分手總好過你不愛我一拖再拖
鬆開你的手離開你左右
我向前走這會是我真正的解脫
Empress
Watch these and you’ll know why she’s still considered the Empress of Pop.
1 on 1?
Somebody out there is testing me.
Trials and tribulations.
One after another.
Let’s get ready for the next wave.
Beautiful
Lately I’ve been hard to reach
I’ve been too long on my own
Everyone has a private world
Where they can be alone
Are you calling me
Are you trying to get through
Are you reaching out for me
And I’m reaching out for you
I’m just so fuckin’ depressed
I just can seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump
But I need something to pull me out this dump
I took my bruises, took my lumps
Fell down and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up
In order for me to pick that mic back up
I don’t know how I pry away
And I ended up in this position I’m in
I starting to feel distant again
So I decided just to pick this pen
Up and tried to make an attempt to vent
But I just can’t admit
Or come to grips, with the fact that
I may be done with rap
I need a new outlet
I know some shits so hard to swallow
And I just can’t sit back and wallow
In my own sorrow
But I know one fact
I’ll be one tough act to follow
One tough act to follow (copy)
One tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow
But you have to walk a thousand miles
In my shoes
Just to see
What it’s like to be me
I’ll be you
Let’s trade shoes
Just to see what I’d be like to
Feel your pain
You feel mine
Go inside each other’s mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other’s eyes
Don’t let ‘em say you ain’t beautiful
They can all get fucked just stay true to you
I think I’m starting to lose my sense of humor
Everything is so tense and gloom
I almost feel like I gotta check the temperature in the room
Just as soon as I walk in
It’s like all eyes on me
So I try to avoid any eye contact
Cause if I do that then it opens a door to conversation
Like I want that
I’m not looking for extra attention
I just want to be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room
Maybe just point me to the closest restroom
I don’t need no fuckin’ man servant
Tryin’ to follow me around, and wipe my ass
Laugh at every single joke I crack
And half of them ain’t even funny like
“Ha! Marshall, you’re so funny man
You should be a comedian, goddamn!”
Unfortunately I am, but I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don’t you all sit down
Listen to the tale I’m about to tell
Hell, we don’t have to trade our shoes
And you ain’t have to walk no thousand miles
In my shoes
Just to see
What it’s like to be me
I’ll be you
Let’s trade shoes
Just to see what I’d be like to
Feel your pain
You feel mine
Go inside each other’s mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other’s eyes
Don’t let ‘em say you ain’t beautiful
They can all get fucked just stay true to you
Nobody asked for life to deal us
With these bullshit hands with doubt
We have to take these cards ourselves
And flip them, don’t expect no help
Now I could have either just
Sat on my ass and pissed and moaned
But take this situation in which I’m placed in
And get up and get my own
I was never the type of kid
To wait but I know to unpack his bags
Never sat on the porch and hoped and prayed
For a dad to show up who never did
I just wanted to fit in
Every single place
Every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid
Even if it meant acting stupid
Aunt Edna always told me
Keep making that face till it gets stuck like that
Meanwhile I’m just standing there
Holding my tongue up trying to talk like this
Till I stuck my tungue on the frozen stop sign poll at 8 years old
I learned my lesson and cause I wasn’t tryin’ to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story
Not just based on my description
Cause where you see it from where you’re sitting
Is probably 110% different
I guess we would have to walk a mile
In each other’s shoes at least
What size you where?
I wear 10s
Let’s see if you can fit your feet
In my shoes
Just to see
What it’s like to be me
I’ll be you
Let’s trade shoes
Just to see what I’d be like to
Feel your pain
You feel mine
Go inside each other’s mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other’s eyes
Don’t let ‘em say you ain’t beautiful
They can all get fucked just stay true to you
Lately I’ve been hard to reach
I’ve been too long on my own
Everyone has a private world
Where they can be alone
Are you calling me
Are you trying to get through
Are you reaching out for me
And I’m reaching out for you
Yea
To my babies
Stay strong
Daddy will be soon
And to the rest of the world
God gave you the shoes
That fit you
So put ‘em on and wear ‘em
And be yourself man
Be proud of who you are
Even if it sounds corny
Don’t ever let no one tell you
You ain’t beautiful
Hunger
It easy to sprout and bloom when the rest of the seedlings aren’t hungry. These seedlings are satisfied with having the most basic trio of air, water and nitrogen. Not seeking any essential minerals. Potassium, Calcium, Phosphorus, Magnesium, Sulfur, Silicon, Chlorine, Iron, Boron, Manganese, Sodium, Zinc, Copper, Nickel, and Molybdenum. It’s easy, really.
Just be slightly hungrier. Crave and desire.
It’s that easy.
Boom Boom Pop
To all my friends who still follow this, I have something that I really want to say.
I want to eat popcorn. Now. At 3am in the morning. Somebody cursed me with insomnia. “Drag Me Awake”. KF & J, sounds familiar?
I am also filled with regret upon the sudden realisation that I am not flying to TPE next week (as planned, but no air tickets). Sigh. It would be so much fun since PM is still over there. Right? Right? Another time then.
Being random. Don’t blame me, blame the curse. It’s blinking 3am on a Tuesday morning.
I want popcorn.
